I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
