I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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