she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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