Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
