wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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