It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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