If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
