so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i believe in u and ur pee
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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