and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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