Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
