nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Vodka?
Forever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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