theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
