he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
