Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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