I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
