It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
