Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
