Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sober January is a disaster.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
