I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
