Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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