i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize