My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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