I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
