Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
