I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Pooping to opera.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
