champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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