Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
