She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
