We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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