so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
