there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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