That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
