The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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