I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
