so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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