Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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