So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
