Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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