All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
