i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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