Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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