She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
