Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
