remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
