i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
