Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
