I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
