Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
