So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
