Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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