when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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