so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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