I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
