I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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