batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
