So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
