I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
